Life sure gives you stuff to blog about…
The last relationship I had where I had someone to claim and he claimed me as well was when I was fifteen years old. I called that guy my boyfriend and I was his girlfriend. I am now thirty-two years old, and have been informed that if I WERE to get into a relationship, I am now too old to call the man in my life my boyfriend. Where did I get this information? Where ALL good information comes from-FACEBOOK! Yes, it was the status of one of my facebook friends. Being that I haven’t been in a relationship for quite some time I asked her what my options were since boyfriend/girlfriend were unacceptable. Someone else offered up significant other, better half, and fiancé. Then the sister I posed the question to “went hard”, as we tend to say…she replies, “My man. My friend. If u claim him as a boyfriend/ then the mind frame of a boy is how he would stay. Do u want be introduced as his lady/women/wife/ baby mama or his girlfriend.”
Now…based on the grammar of her response, I don’t know what the acceptable option is for ME to be called, but I do find her theory on the term “boyfriend” interesting. Even if that be true, I ran introductions through my mind…
“This is my man, Steve.” Hmm…doesn’t sound quite right. Doesn’t roll off the tongue easily, and men tend to call each other “my man” or as we say as a colloquialism, “My MANS and n’em.” Nah…even if I think of him as my man, I don’t like that term for an introduction. Also, I think it’s a little possessive calling someone “My man.” Even if I think of him that way, he is his OWN man. The term is a little strong for me.
“This is my friend, Steve.” Nah. That’s too non-committal. That’s a signal to other men in the room that this guy is just arm decoration and I am single, Single, SINGLE! That’s disrespectful. I’ll pass.
“This is my better half, Steve.” Uh…MY half is JUST as good as HIS half! Plus, I don’t think you start using “better half” until you’re married. Just my personal opinion.
“This is my significant other, Steve.” Nah. That is entirely too stuffy, and it reeks to me of being committed but afraid of the commitment.
“This is my fiancé, Steve.” What if we’re not engaged? My arm is gonna be significantly naked if I bust THAT out on somebody!
As far as my personal relationships, sure, I REFER to the men in my life by certain terms. I DO have friend to whom I refer as my husband, King, Sir, or Sire when I speak of him, just as he refers to me as his wife or his Queen when he speaks of me. When he speaks TO me, he might call me “Queen”, as though it were my name, and I respond to him as “Your Majesty.” We poets-we weird. However, when you break the relationship all the way down, he is my friend. It doesn’t encapsulate all that we are to each other, but for the world’s purposes, “This is my friend, Steve” is both true and appropriate. Anyone who knows us both knows who “Sir” or “Hubbs” is, but to a stranger, friend is best.
As far as the term “boyfriend” taking a man back into boyish ways, I really don’t believe in it. If you have a real man by your side, the term “boyfriend” isn’t going to give him permission to act like a child. I think the term is indicative of a sweeter, getting to know you, getting to love you time. I think we put too much emphasis on age, which makes everything else in life that much more difficult. There are four main stages in a relationship to me, and anything else is just extra and to your preference: 1.) Friend 2.) Boyfriend 3.) Fiance 4.) Husband.
In retrospect, I should have never asked the question. When I begin dating someone, it will be up to US to decide who and what we are-no matter WHAT some chick on facebook or anyone ELSE says.