Relationship Advice #39: Who pays for the first trip together?

Sometimes these blog questions come from readers and friends, and sometimes from Gigi and her personal dating life. This one happens to be Gigi’s present dating life, which is going quite well, thank you very much… Jonathan asked Gigi if she wanted to go away for New Year’s, and to join his best friend, and his new girl friend. Gigi accepted happily, and then wondered (and worried a little) over the finances of it all. Who should pay when you go away somewhere together?

Here is what our readers thought:

From Gigi: I was brought up by older parents, and an older generation feeling that men court women, and men pay for everything. Things have changed now, and I do pay for things too. However, it is still tricky… I feel that whoever wants to go out for dinner should pay. If you cannot afford a dinner out, then you can buy food, and make a nice meal. Or maybe you can go out to a cheaper restaurant that you know you can afford. As far as trips go, it is even trickier, since they can get expensive. Gigi feels that if he asks you to go away, then he should pay for most of it, and the woman could offer to pay for some of the meals or drinks at night. So what happened on Gigi and Jonathan’s trip, you might ask? Jonathan was the one to ask her to go away, but then he very nicely asked her if they could talk (Gigi’s heart stopped thinking he wanted to break up). He asked if it would be all right if he paid for one night at the hotel, and she paid for the other. Gigi thought this was fair, and he paid for everything else: the gas (for a four trip there and back), the meals (very nice dinners out), and drinks. Many, many drinks!! Gigi paid for the movie they saw the second night out, and for a few drinks.

From Brie: The person who invited should pay for the trip, hotal etc. And in return the other person should buy a nice dinner as a thank you while you’re there!!

From Winnie: He pays, he drives, he feeds. You sit back, enjoy and relax. After all it was his idea and he invited!!! Unless of course he’s broke, in which case you should certainly wonder why he chose such an expensive weekend!!!
A ‎4 hour drive????? Yikes!!! We take a plane if something is more than an hour away!!! Hahahahahah, we’d be driving round in circles!! Hahahah

From Dan: I agree with Brie. The person who does the inviting should assume the trip costs. Although to avoid any ‘awkward’ moments, one could say something like, “…you know, I’d really LOVE to go, but I don’t have that in my budget right now.” See what happens after that….

From Ron: Offer to go dutch… and then go from there 🙂

From Dina: He pays, you are the one who will later pay in kind !!!!
December 30, 2010 at 12:12pm · Like · 1 person

From Josie: I agree with Brie. His idea, he should pay. That way, if the weekend does not turn out that good, you have money to get home.

From Ron: I’m so happy i’m not dating anymore… haha, it’s very complicated 🙁

From Joanna: I agree with Brie, but Winnie, maybe he does not want to get naked at the airport in front of her… he might be shy. 🙂 and LOL @ Josie

From Ricardo: He pays for trip food etc, she pays in um ahem

From Hannah: Everything has a price. Just depends on how and when you want to pay for it.

From Ricardo: It’s called quid pro quo and I like it 😛

From Brie: Yes…. he should pay….just in case he cancels all your big plans last minute!! Hahaha. Sorry Gigi… couldn’t resist!!

From Wally: Definitely he pays

From Helen: I would let him pay. However, remember Helen’s horror and what happened. Don’t let him paint you into a corner and then ask for money. Ahem. Nightmare date.

From Julia: With me it’s always 50/50, unless he insists. Like he pays for hotel and I get him dinner or vice/vers. There’s no such thing as a free lunch!

From Andy: Offer to go dutch to a less fancy hotel. If he wants the fancy hotel, then he can pay. But in that case, I agree with Brie. Treat him to a nice dinner. It sends the message that you’re not high maintenance and that the relationship is at a more mature level of give-and-take. Or instead of dinner, treat him and yourself to a massage at the hotel.

From Boris: Just insist on paying for half, and see what he renegotiates. If he says no, it’s his treat, then so be it.

From Alisa: I can’t wait to catch up w/ you and find out your thoughts on this…

From Julia: If it’s his idea, I can see why it should mostly be his part. But since you have been dating exclusively for a month, show your sharing ability and surprise him by paying for something.

From Camille: His idea, he pays, but I agree with Brie: buy a nice dinner or some sort of gesture of appreciation.

From Winnie: ‎@ Joanna…. who mentioned naked? hahahahahhsdlifdisudifahahah

From Lizzie: He pays, if it’s an invite. If he expresses a desire for the trip, and says something along the lines of “Wouldn’t it be nice if we…” and you say “Yeah, let’s do it”, then you should chip in, especially if he isn’t making a lot of money.

From Tim: Split it down the middle or the man can display generosity at any time if he can.

From Rachel: He should pay.

2 Comments on Relationship Advice #39: Who pays for the first trip together?


    Love is the true existing thing in nature.

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