Something to Talk About-or NOT.
We’ve all been through it. You have a fight with your significant other. You call a friend. You tell the friend what a stupid, insensitive so-and-so your S.O. is. Your friend talks you through it. You and your sweetie make-up… then you have it out again. By the fifth or so cycle, your friend has permanently decided that your mate is a stupid, insensitive so-and-so and now wishes you’d just leave the so-and-so already.
The next thing you know, you don’t have anyone to turn to when things go bad, and no one wants to hear it when things are going well for a change. Yes, you have created a world where only you and your partner exist because no one else wants to be in it. Since I’ve been there, I know you’re wondering, “Well, what am I supposed to do? Not TALK to anybody about my mate?” Well, this short blog will give you some ideas on how to handle things before they come to this point.
First of all, know that sweet, wonderful person you’re in a relationship with is going to be a raging asshole at SOME point. Hell, YOU’RE a raging asshole at times! Sometimes neither of you will be an asshole, and you’ll just have a misunderstanding. When you and your partner are at odds, the FIRST person you need to talk to about it is YOUR PARTNER. You two are the ones who are in the relationship together, and you’ll ultimately have to work it out between you.
We are too often eager to walk away and spazz out to someone who will take our side-a friend. Before you pick up the phone, sit down by yourself and assess the situation. Is it as bad as you’re making it out to be? Can you decide what to do on your own? Do you want help or do you just want to vent? Will this situation cast your spouse in a seriously bad light? If so, are you willing to deal with a friend who does not like your spouse? I’m not saying that you should not talk to your friends about your relationship, but to choose wisely WHEN you need to talk to your friends about a spat between you and your partner.
If you are the Friend in the equation, there are a couple of handy tips that can help you through this situation as well.
1.) Remember that your role as a friend is to listen, love, and support.
2.) Ask your friend at the onset of the conversation if they want an advisor or a co-signer. Sometimes we want to shove our “good advice” down someone’s throat when they just need someone to hear them out while they sort it all out.
3.) Always lead your friend back to a conversation with the spouse. No one can solve the problems of a relationship except for the people inside that relationship.
4.) If your friend begins to burden you too much with the details of the relationship, tell them before you get angry and blow up. You are the person’s friend, but you have feelings too. Besides, they need to be able to handle the relationship on their own.
5.) If your friend is in a dangerous situation, don’t be afraid to be honest and offer them resources to assist them. Let your friend know that you’re there for them when they are ready to get out and start making a plan of escape for when that day comes.
What both friends need to realize is that the friendship is as important a relationship as the Relationship. In each situation, both participants need to be happy. If you love your spouse, keep some of your personal business to yourself-and the same applies if you love your friend.