At times Gigi asks a question that only gets a few comments on her face book. At other times, oh boy… it takes off and she gets a discussion going!! This was one of those times. Someone asked Gigi to find out what people thought about the “fact” that it seems to be more socially acceptable for men to date younger women than for women to date younger men. Some people thought this was NOT a fact… funnily enough that was mostly the men!! Read below for some pretty interesting opinions!!
From Gigi: I think that when women date younger men they are seen as preying on them, whereas it seems ok for men to date younger men.
From Jack: I disagree with the premise.
From Dianna: Older men have historically dated and married younger women, and women have long been relegated to sex as a duty, not a pleasure. An older man with a younger woman can procreate. In most cases, older women with younger men aren’t looking to make babies, therefore creating a situation where the woman seems to be seeking merely sex- and you KNOW nice girls don’t like SEX… plus men mature slower than women, so the older woman is damn near seen as a pedophile.
From Dan: Who says it is?
From Jack: Well…if we’re going to speak in broad general terms. I’d say that, yes, men are drawn to women they can sexually dominate for the biological purpose of propagating the species…while women are more drawn to power (being taken care of) than physical beauty. (This is why Donald Trump has had several fashion model wives. It can’t be because of his charm and sophistication and good looks).
But as far as “acceptable”…what does that mean? Acceptable by whom? Do you know anybody who finds a 45 year old woman dating a guy in his twenties to be offensive? (Unusual, maybe, but not unacceptable.)
From Dan: Once you reach 40, I think it’s probably “acceptable” to date 10-12 years or so in either direction easy….But beyond that, I think people get heartburn….a 40 year old dating a 28-30 year old?…no problem…a 40 year old dating an early 20′s…Not so much…Of course, it all depends on the people involved.
From Gigi: I find the term cougar and milf very offensive. Older men aren’t given a derogatory nickname for dating young women, yet I’m a cougar or a milf if I date a younger man. And yes, Jack n Dan, many people frown upon an older woman dating a younger man…
From Dan: And many people frown upon an older man dating a younger woman…It really depends on the age difference rather than the actual fact of just being younger or older…It only really is bothersome to some people when the age gap is rather large….And then, I’d say that there really isn’t that much difference in opinions either way…
From Jack: Creepy…lech…I’ve heard men called that…I have likely been called that! And I can see that milf and cougar could be offensive, but ultimately they’re words describing sexual attractiveness…whereas lech is about being predatory. And creepy is about lack of self awareness.
From Ricardo: It’s more acceptable? I didnt’ know that, thougth that was in the 50s
From Jackson: Anna Nicole Smith (RIP)… acceptable? Sure whatever floats her boat. I don’t think its acceptable when the woman is real young like 21 & under and the dude is old enough to be her daddy. I think Dan got it right.
From Jack: Anna Nicole Smith was a case where it was seen as unacceptable, because the husband was so much older, and so rich, that it was assumed that she was nothing but a gold digger.
From Matt: Honestly, I think it’s because women are attracted to completely different things in men than men are in women. And often, older men have a lot of those things that many women seem to want. However, my last relationship was with an older woman. So there!
From Jack: Like I said… power.
From Jimmy: Women go through menopause way before men become impotent.
From Camille:No matter how sophisticated we like to believe we are as a society, men are (generally) regarded as conquerors and women as maternal. SO a man can conquer a young woman–but a woman with a much younger man is perceived as maternal, more “robbing the cradle.”
I say there IS a big deal with age difference past 10, sometimes up to 15 years. You’re at different experience levels, have different goals and ideals, and no matter what your age, your feelings and wants change.
MILF is degrading; cougar can be either degrading, funny, or ambiguous. Me personally, I’m married to a great guy, but if I were ever “out there” again, no younger than 35 and no older than 65. We wouldn’t have anything in common, and I promised myself at this point that I wouldn’t change diapers for a while–in any age group.
From Jack: It’s funny, I was discussing this with my (older by a year and a half) wife, and she found the word MILF kind of cute. She said she would find it almost flattering to be called a MILF. But she found the word cougar to hint at desperation, which she found offensive. As well as the idea of women who, in order to attract younger men, try to carry themselves as younger than they are, which often comes off as desperate and pathetic.
But, looking at examples of celebrities, Jokes are made about Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, but does anybody really feel that their relationship is inappropriate? And nobody bats an eye at couples like Harrison Ford and Callista Flockhart.
Speaking for myself, (and keeping in mind that I’m happily married!) I have flirtations with several beautiful women in their twenties (I’m 48) but, if it happened that I could really date any of them…well…I think I’m pretty clear that the fantasy is better than the reality. If I’m being honest, I’ll say that I would love to have sex with any of them, but I don’t think I’d want to be in a relationship. It’s true that, as charming and intelligent as they are, there’s just too much of a world between us and I don’t want to have to explain Nixon and Jimi Hendrix!
Maybe that’s the thing…it’s unsettling to think that it’s about nothing but sex, and it’s so easy to assume that any older person would seek out a younger person for this lowest of urges.
It also strikes me that most of the derision is really toward the younger person…a woman is a gold digging bimbo and a guy is a boy toy or gigolo.
From Winnie: Because the world is “machista”, as simple as that. And it is probably generated from the fact that if the younger woman of an older man were to become pregnant, she as a mother is more likely to stick around for the kid, but if the older woman of a younger man were to have a kid , she may die first. Society don’t like that thought.
From Wally: It’s about stereo type , it’s about our puritan roots… the mind set that older woman should be more virtuous and as such should be happy with the lot in life that they have been given, whether they be widowed, spinstered etc. but once again, if the chemistry works and the older and the younger parties are in agreement and consent to the relationship then go for it. MY wife is older than me by about 8 years, and we have been together for over 15 years. I can’t think of one time where an issue came up where comments were made regarding her age as opposed to mine. to you older wiser women, if ya find a consenting youngun, go for it I say. and to hell with opinion
From Sarah: Cuz men just hating
From Dianna: LOL @Sarah!
From Ricardo: In olden days it was normal but now it’s the norm for cougars to date young guys like Demi Moore who 50s married to Ashton Kutcher who is like 23, and Tim and Susan Sarandon but they just split after like 20 years….
From Camille: Love the question. Again, my fear for big difference in age is that you’re at very different places in your life, and that isn’t likely to “even out” until much later on. BUT I’m talking about BIG age differences. If you have a child that age, mmm, maybe not. There are, however, exceptions.