Here is a fun article Sassy found that she wanted to share with you… she really enjoyed reading it, and hope you will too!!
So you like wearing a thong when you go to dinner? Or being tied up and spanked? Anal sex? Well, you’re certainly not alone. The trouble is, in our oh-so-modern sexual era (not!) bringing up fetishes and kinky pastimes with your new lover may not go down too well. At best, she will grin seductively and reveal that she too loves to do those things. At worst, she will think you are a pervy-weirdo creep and unsure if she should see you again. If the former happens, well that’s great. The latter? Read on friend. I don’t want you or your new girl getting your pink frillys in a twist.
WOMEN LIKE KINKY SEX
Even the most prudish woman can be connivingly convinced to partake in the most lascivious and lewd sex acts. Don’t believe me? It’s entirely possible. Despite rumors, more often than not, women are actually deviant sex goddesses waiting to be released from their good-girl prisons. The main factor when introducing new games to the bedroom is preparation; there should be very few surprises. This means — oh yes, you guessed it — lots of talking… preferably before you leap into bed.
Timing is not everything, but rates highly. Educating her is paramount. Making it seem like her idea in the first place is simple genius… if you can pull it off.
Introducing spanking, biting and hair pulling
Kink factor: 2 out of 5
These are such childish behaviors, but they can add an uninhibited layer to good sex. The good thing about these is that you don’t really have to talk about them too much before you do them. You can test the waters as you go along, but always keep it light. There are very few preconceived ideas about spanking, biting and hair pulling.
How to introduce it: These things are best done during a very passionate sexual encounter. Go with the flow and use your common sense — tread deliberately and carefully. Wild abandon usually equals pain.
Spanking: The problem with spanking is it gets better the more you do it, and the first couple can sting quite badly. Let her spank you back. Have a good spanking session, laugh your heads off and spank each other silly. The eroticism will come later. Don’t spank every session unless requested.
Biting: The success of your nibbles relies heavily on pressure, timing and frequency. Keep it light, only do it while in the absolute throes of passion, and don’t do it often. If you want her to bite you, instruct her on the art — she is unlikely to just know how you like it. Don’t ever bite breasts or vaginas unless expressly asked to. Leaving marks is not desirable.
Hair pulling: If you want to pull her hair, do it gently. If you want her to pull yours, then just asking nicely should yield results. There are loads of pressure points in the scalp that makes hair pulling quite a sensuous activity when done properly. Don’t yank, and be conscious that her head and neck is attached to that beautiful hair. Hold the hair close to the scalp and in handfuls as opposed to pulling on a ponytail or the ends of longer hair.
Men pulling out sex toys? Hang on a sec — that’s supposed to be the woman’s job. Times are changing, and it is entirely acceptable for a man to declare his longings for sex toys — even huge cock shaped ones — to be introduced into the bedroom repertoire. It is great to have a man who isn’t insecure about it. Just be careful when pulling out butt plugs or prostate massagers because she is unlikely to be familiar with these. A vibrating plastic vagina might be on the weird side, and she may not know how to use a cock ring, or have ever seen a French tickler before, but no doubt she will embrace them with enthusiasm once given a quick lesson. But what if she doesn’t?
There is a small chance she might think you are weird, in which case, you simply need to educate her so she is no longer afraid of the strange objects you wish to bring into the bedroom. The first step is to talk about it, especially if the toy is not standard issue vibrating material.
How to introduce it: Ask her if you can use a toy on her. Or, next time you are giving her oral pleasure, add it in without her even seeing it. Other toys may need a better explanation, so just take care to explain the purpose of each toy, how it works and what she can expect. She doesn’t want to feel like an uneducated sex toy klutz if she has never used one before.
Introducing light bondage
Kink factor: 3 ½ out of 5
Yes, she has a view on this particular passtime even if she has never ever done it. She might think it is fun and sexy or she might think it is scary and weird. Just so you know, most women view this as sexy, not weird. But whatever her view, make sure you know what it is — talk. You must always have permission.
How to introduce it: Next time you’re in the throes of passion, hold her wrists above her head or by her sides and tease her with your hands or mouth or a feather. Hold her wrists lightly so that when she tries to wriggle free, she can’t move unless she pushes against you firmly. Tease her some more, and then whisper seductively in her ear: “Can I tie you up and tease you until you have an orgasm/can’t stand it any longer/want me to stop?” Then, do your thing!
Some guidelines: Don’t both be tied up on the same occasion. If you are using rope, hemp is soft and won’t burn. Cotton is good because it’s soft, but fraying may be a problem. Synthetic rope will probably give rope burn, so unless you enjoy the pain, give it a miss. Try pulling out some fluffy handcuffs or a scarf. Save the blindfolding for another day. Keep some blunt ended scissors handy and always check the temperature of tied-up body parts (hands, feet) in case the circulation is being cut off and they need to be released. Never refuse to release someone unless this is part of your sex game. If this is the case, use safe words. Never tie anything around someone’s neck.
So you like it in reverse? Good for you. The problem is, she might be scared sh*tless of the idea. This makes your job extra hard: Not only do you have to remove all the old ideas, but you need to replace them with new, convincing ones.
Your first port of call before embarking on an anal adventure is to know your bum business. This does not mean watching anal porn for tips on how to slam her. You need to have a clue what you are doing. Look up instructions on the net.
How to introduce it: When you think you have a clue of how to do it properly, bring it up. A simple “Have you ever had anal sex and enjoyed it?” works. There are only two answers to this question. If the answer’s “yes,” ask if she would she like to do it again. If the answer’s “no,” ask if she would be brave enough to try it with you. Pull out your instructions and educate her. Every woman can enjoy anal sex if it’s done right. The orgasms are different, and can be quite intense. Pull out your instructions. Sell it to her.
What not to do: It is not cool to just try to put it in “by mistake.” This is excruciatingly painful. Always have permission, and never pressure her. The trick is getting her to want it.
Introducing role play
Kink factor: 4 out of 5
You need to be careful with this one, because she may take your fantasy request the wrong way: She may think you are implying she isn’t enough for you. The trick is all in the presentation.
How to introduce it: To increase your chances of success, you need to make it sound like a really fun idea. Talk about it long before you want to do it, but make her role in the play seem exciting and sexy, so she can fully imagine herself dressed up to the nines, behaving like a secretary/princess/prostitute/whatever. You need to appeal to her imagination, so keep it humorous and light-hearted. Once you are fairly sure she is keen, organize it. Chicks love playing dress up!
What not to do: Avoid anything to do with animals, rape or involving other people/people you know. Don’t just pull out a ridiculously small maid outfit and expect her to put it on and polish your family jewels. It is highly possible that she doesn’t want to be dressed as a maid, and that outfit you bought without her input is probably hideous and far too small. Don’t be over keen to play dress up, because you can give her a complex. And yes, wearing her underwear for too long will make her question your sexuality.
COMING OUT ABOUT A FETISH
A fetish can be a strange thing to observe in somebody, and even stranger to observe in yourself. For those without a fetish, it is very hard to understand what it’s like to be aroused by an inanimate object that normally isn’t associated with sex. If you have a fetish, denying it is futile. It is a part of who you are. The best thing you can do is to make sure you are totally comfortable with it yourself before sharing it with the person you love, if indeed you choose to share it. Some people keep it to themselves their whole lives, and it seems a shame that something you love so much has to be hidden.
Fear of rejection is high on the list of reasons why not to tell, but if you are in a loving and healthy relationship, surely sharing a part of yourself can only make it stronger? If you are worried about sharing a fetish, you are certainly not alone. Before taking the leap, find a fetish community and talk to others about it and see what they have done, haven’t done or wished they had. Only you can decide if it is the right thing to do.
KINK IT UP
Introducing your new lady friend to your preferred bedroom antics can be nerve wracking. This is with good reason — she may not react well. Don’t forget that you can get away with just about anything if you approach it in the right way — discuss it, educate her, keep it light-hearted, and you may just get your wish. Women love to try new things and be kinky minxes, but it takes a little while for her to build up trust and confidence with a new man. The great thing about it is that you are her new man, and she is free to explore her sexuality. Use this newness to your advantage, but don’t forget: Only fools rush in.