Top “Ten” #34:Why men like/love/need porn

Last week the top “ten” was why women liked/lived/needed sex toys, and Gigi was surprised that she was in the minority of women (at least on this blog) of women who love them. This week it was the man’s turn, and Gigi wanted to know why men like/love/need porn!!

From Gigi: I personally am not crazy about porn. I only have one video and one CD (that our blog reviewed). I’ve watched it once with a guy, but it doesn’t turn me on. In fact, the fake sounding noises they make, and the things they say totally turn me off. Do women really watch it as much as some people on thus blog say they do?
From Brie: A female opinion…and probably way off…

1) they are visual creatures…and while women can fantasize in their heads…men require or prefer visual aids.
2) sex toys for men are kind of ridiculous from what I’ve seen…they certainly haven’t advanced as far as sex toys for women….so men turn to porn.
3) I really have no idea!!

From Annie: I have NO idea whatsoever. I have seen many a relationship crash and break down because of it though.

From Winnie: I agree with Brie although I don’t think it is because of them being visual creatures…it goes back more to the fact that they are unable to do 2 things at the same time…imagine and stimulate. If you have ever watched porn you will see that the men only ever do one thing at a time, they hardly ever are capable of using their hands and another part of their body at once. If they use their hands, they stop what they were doing elsewhere. It’s quite fascinating. Whereas women use everything at once and still enjoy what it being done to them.

From John:  If I may interject…
I have a complicated feeling about porn. Being a man, I can’t help but respond to it, but it’s never completely satisfying. Partly this is because I have a bad reaction to being manipulated…it’s similar to watching one of those talk shows where an adopted child reunites with their birth mother…you can’t help but get choked up, but it’s not like you have any actual emotional connection to these people or any stake in what happens to them. You see people in a highly emotional state and it triggers a response. 
So it is with sexual imagery. There is a natural response, but not anything with any depth.
And I hate when people dismiss men as being “visual creatures” as if it’s some kind of flaw. As if it makes men more superficial. I mean…does it not follow that, if men respond to visuals more than women, that they can appreciate visual arts or a stunning natural landscape or any other visible object more than someone who is less a “visual creature?
Besides, I used to work in a bookstore that had a huge section of “romance novels”..the bodice rippers with covers that often showed Fabio in some passionate embrace with a woman in a period costume that is in the process being torn off. These are marketed exclusively to women and, quite frankly, is just another kind of pornography. (There are those who believe that the act of reading is superior to the act of looking at photographs or films, but there are levels…watching a good movie is better than reading a cheap romance novel.)
But to address your question…I can’t really say I need porn. I definitely don’t love it. Sometimes I’m not even comfortable with the things that I respond to. Porn serves a purpose. Like all humans, I enjoy having orgasms and porn can help facilitate that in an uncomplicated way. Porn doesn’t make demands on you (although getting it can), porn doesn’t judge you. It doesn’t care what you look like or how you dress or if you did the dishes, It’s never not in the mood. 
What’s not to like?

From Brie: I don’t feel that being a “visual creature” is a bad thing….nor did I mean it to be dismissive.

From John:  I didn’t necessarily mean you. But there are people that do feel that way. I guess I was conflating all of the posts (including the way the question was phrased) and seeing the tone as anti-male.

From Brie: No anti-male response here. I see nothing wrong with porn…unless it starts to become an obsession. I also don’t think watching porn is strictly a “male” thing either…. I’m sure there are several women out there who enjoy it as well..

From Winnie:   Perhaps the question should have been…more than women? Although I would have to ask myself if it is not much the same to do porn as to watch porn? There are way more female porn stars than men!! Most women a)say they don’t watch porn b) watch it only if accompanied by partner c) complain about how degrading it always is toward women d) request porn directed for or by women and if this existed they would certainly watch it. I must say I agree with much that John has said. It is an easy, impersonal and quick way to get release and I am sure both men and women watch and enjoy it. More women would watch it if it were easier to purchase ie. less taboos etc. It is the “done thing” for a women to say she doesn’t watch it. What would my friends and family think if they knew my dirty little secret? is what they think. Live and enjoy folks, there may not be a tomorrow!!!

From Brie:  Bravo Wendy!

From Winnie: ‎:) winnie boppers the wonder wench strikes again. Jejeje .

From Le’Ro:  Ms. Brie is correct. And actually, women watch about the same amount as men. But, as in women having affairs or cheating, you are more discreat and smarter about it. Further, lets face it, the women in the videos are beautiful. Men are visual, and those types of women don’t grow on trees. Just a fact.

From Winnie: They don’t? My mother has been lying to me. Darn.

From Sal: It’s a way of fulfilling a fantasy when you’re not really able to…either because you have and unwilling partner or maybe just because you’re not ready to do it in person.

From Le’Ro: Also true.

From Angelo: Porn is a great way to connect with a fantasy…when you might otherwise be unable to…either because youre in a relationship where your partner is not as “adventurous” as you are….or because you’re simply afraid to go out and try it.

From Winnie:  or because you are alone!!

From Brie:  And if you are not alone….women should be more open to sharing these fantasies with their men and vice-versa 🙂

From Winnie: Si señorita!!

From Joanna:  I have one issue that really concerns me about porn…. yes i know I am way too ultra conservative (sorry guys.. hate porn.. just so you know where my statements are coming from… mother of 4 girls). Most of the time arent these films made with young girls. I know they say there are regulations on this sort of thing, but lets face it they use under age girls. So as reponsible adults dont we have a responsiblity to these girls’ fathers not to watch? Maybe I am ruining it for all guys, but what if that was your daughter in that movie or picture?

From John:  Oddly enough, the most anti-male response is from the only other male! And Le’Ro doesn’t help the cause when he misspells the word “discreet”!
Lots to discuss here. First, where does Winnie get her facts about most women? I wouldn’t be surprised if most men also said they didn’t watch porn. (not that it would be true…with men or women)
I think that both men and women would watch more porn if it was less of a taboo, Not just women. I don’t know many men (or any at all) who discuss what porn they watch. And I never had the nerve to walk into the back room at the video store.

From Winnie:  I must say that I have yet to meet a man that does not admit to having watched porn when directly asked. Women on the other hand start blushing and ooing and aaahing, avoid the question and very rarely admit to having seen it or not until really pushed into a corner.

From Brie: As with most everything in life there is bad side and a good side…and the bad side usually pertains to extremes.
People need to stop attaching porn to shame and inadequacy…and start viewing it in a more positive light. I would rather have my partner watch porn than go to a strip club, visit “massage parlors”, or explore these fantasies with someone else. if it wasn’t viewed as such a “taboo” for women…I’m sure a lot more couples woul be enjoying it together.

From Jackson:  It stimulates, it’s mostly free, it’s plentiful and it helps you with a personal fantasy. So what’s not to like about it? Maybe that you were probably brought up that porn is wrong or taboo so you would not share it with your parents, kids, coworkers or clients unless you are maybe a pervert. While you know there are plenty of consenting young porn starlets, the production & harvest and consumption of this can destroy young lives. Like drugs, porn has side effects on your personal and professional relationships. If too much is consumed, it will destroy you. 
If you “need” it, seek professional help
If you “love it”, be careful you are hooked
If you “like it”, use it as a special kind of spice reserved for occasion rather than something you pile on every dish.

From Gigi: Great way to see it Jackson!! 

From John: To tell the truth, before the internet made it so easy, I rarely looked at porn, except for really tame things like Playboy. I’ve never been to a strip club or even a Hooters. And the movies I saw…even the websites that I’ve been to…they are such insults to my intelligence that I felt embarrassed for having allowed myself to become aroused by them.
Why can’t there be sexually explicit imagery that also can appeal to our minds? Not that it has to be Shakespeare, but it would be nice if it wasn’t at the level of a 12 year old boy.
I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen anything that I wouldn’t feel silly watching with my wife. Not because of the sexual content, but because of the quality.

From Le’Ro:  Was not aware we were being graded on spelling? Thank you Mr. Spell Check

From Arnie:  Umm cuz men like to have more n more females, even tho as a orn fantasy?
correct me if I m wrong, but is it not like a woman wants EVERYTHING from just ONE man…. and a man wants just ONE thing from EVERY woman? .. 😛

From Lonnie: You ask good questions. maybe you can take over for Oprah when she’s done this year. you could call your show “Gigi Wants to Know.”

From Gigi:h ‎@onnie lol!! N yes please!! I could do with some of her money!!

From Boris: ‎@Brie, you started out strong, then fizzled LOL
@Annie, if porn ruined it, it was not a relationship, it was prison
@Winnie, wrong again (about men being visual, and incapable of multitasking), and your misandry astounds (but explains your status)
@Le’Ro, not only are they beautiful, but they seem to have a strong sex drive, and love/enjoy sex and variety
@Joanna, that’s the church in you talking: there have only been a few underage girls used, and a) they lied about their age, and b) they usually did not look underage in the least. Don’t worry, your conservativeness will never ruin anything for us guys. Porn gives men what many or most women don’t give their men, when they want it, how they want it, and mentally with WHOM they want it–which is why men love it, and women hate men loving it. Hard to sell milk to someone that has a cow.
‎@Brie, I don’t think you were far off, about us being visual. We (most of us, at least the ones not raised by nuns, in and out of church, school, and family) like seeing beautiful women, clad and unclad, being sexy, having sex and/or not having sex. I don’t think we require or even prefer visual aids, I think the visual imagery just enhances (as women tend to like massage, candles, aroma therapy, bubble baths, icky romance, etc.) our arousal, excitement, and ultimately pleasure derived from a solo performance, or even to enhance a joint performance 🙂 As long as men enjoy in private, not too often, and don’t force a partner to watch if they don’t want to, or expect their women to provide porn-star experiences, there’s little direct harm done. Like Jackson said, and Joanna alluded to, yes there are some seedy sides of the business (just like the stripper biz), so our pleasure comes at a cost. But in the grand scheme of things, don’t all our pleasures come at some cost? I love food, and weigh much more than I should (like much of America now). You think the McDonald’s advertising company feels guilty about being so successful? You like fashion and threads? Gotta feel sorry for those sweat shops and jobs lost to offshore production. Hmm, like the buzz of tobacco? Cancer sucks. Beer and tequila are awesome. DUIs, wrecks, and deaths suck. Guys love cars, and spend too much family budget on pimping their ride. Girls love shopping, and buy way too much overpriced crap at the mall they don’t need (what’s the going rate on one of those Coach purses nowadays?). Bottom line, men and women can try all day long, and they won’t be able to stop the other’s desires, or their vices. They’ll have much better relationships, though, if they look on the positive side of everything, and accept vices for what they are, useful tools for getting through life (and relationships).
@Joanna, re your “ultra conservative… mother of 4 girls… responsibility to these girls’ fathers not to watch… what if that was your daughter?” comments. Nothing personal, and with all due respect, this is the type of social conservativism that I think absolutely ruins America, FAR WORSE than porn or any other vices ever will. Parents afraid their daughter might become a shot girl, stripper, or porn star. Wives afraid their husband will spend all their money in a casino or a strip joint, or run off with a shot girl or stripper. Solution? Demonize and illegalize adult-related content, casinos, and strip joints. Religious people once made it illegal to buy condoms! Ridiculous! Take ALL liberties away from otherwise “free” Americans, so that a few don’t have to worry about something they feel is bad out their “unduly attracting” their loved ones.
That other girl’s father, let’s face it, HE’S WATCHING THE SAME PORN all the other guys are, and probably going to strip joints–don’t paint him like an angel just because he cranked out a girl. That girl, if her Mom focuses primarily on her becoming a popular cheerleader, will eventually find that serving shots or stripping is the only thing she’s talented enough to do, and surprise, surprise, most of those girls LOVE doing what they do, while they do it, and making damn good money. A lot of times that MOM is out there stripping, to make ends meet, or to get attention she doesn’t get from her bf/hubby.
Society, at least in America, should not be bent to the will of the few based on their fears and their puritanical morals, or their pure religious beliefs. Who really should give a crap if I buy a six pack of beer on a Sunday? Society will not be made better by making it align with church rules, just more strict and less free–it will be made better by parents teaching their kids well, especially decision-making skills, supporting them (financially when needed), taking an active part in their development, education, and career, loving them, and letting them learn their own lessons in life, from their own mistakes and own good or bad decisions. I hate seeing kids grow up in some kind of protective bubble extending outward, instead of inward. If they’re well supported and loved, and taught morals and good decision-making, there’s nothing to worry about.
If you find stripping or porn stars offensive, I challenge you to figure out whether that is a massive fail for society, or massive fail for parenting. I strongly believe it is the latter. Keep in mind that a lot of those “porn sites” are nothing more than girls doing what they enjoy (egads! scream the church-goers), alone or with their bf/husband, and sharing it on the web for money, and often very good money. And that transaction is taxed. Sometimes the business doesn’t turn those little girls into sluts. Sometimes those little girls are just sluts, and found a perfect outlet for it. And if they have low egos, I bet you can trace it to their home life and parents, not the men who like them.

Whew!! This blog question got quite a reaction, from men and women alike!!

1 Comment on Top “Ten” #34:Why men like/love/need porn

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