I haven’t been on a real date in MANY years-a “real” date meaning that the man taking me out has some sort of romantic interest in me, and I him. I’ve found over the years that men tend to think it’s a date because he’s a man and I’m a woman or because he paid…no, Sir.
Last year, I had a darling male friend surprise me on my job and take me to lunch. We sat, ate, joked, laughed, and he paid. After paying the check, he ran it all down for me. “So, I surprised you on campus, paid for your meal, smiled at you, you smiled at me. Would you say this was a date?” I responded, “If at the end of the night, you don’t have the desire to kiss me, this was NOT a date.” He walked me back to my office, pulled me back, and KISSED me. Right in the middle of the hallway. Then he told me, “Now tell your little friends you’ve been on a date.” Eh, nice try, buddy, but that was a pity kiss.
We talked about it later, and he told me that he, indeed, was doing something nice for a friend. He actually said that I had dropped a HINT about wanting to be kissed. I had to correct him: “I answered your direct question, not dropped a hint. I think the intention is what makes a date a date, not necessarily the ACTION. If you had WANTED to kiss me afterward, I would have considered it a date, but you didn’t HAVE to kiss me.”
Many years ago, I had a male friend who spoiled me MERCILESSLY. He took me to great restaurants and let me order anything I wanted. He took me to movies, and sometimes, we just watched them at his house after he’d cooked me a fine meal. Once he actually cooked a meal that he said was not good enough for me, threw it in the trash without letting me taste it, then cooked a whole new meal. The best ever was on the night before my birthday, he took me out right after work to dinner and a movie and just procrastinated enough to keep me out until midnight-my official birthday. As magical as all of that sounds, there was never any question that we were NOT dating…at least not for ME. He was another one who felt that a date just meant that a man and a woman went out and a man paid. I was clear that I was just really good friends with a man who really knows how to treat a woman. He has since married and she has fattened him up quite nicely. I guess SHE runs the kitchen now…
I’ve had some wonderful male friends in my life, and I value all the great moments spent with them. They have prepared me in many way for the courtship that will come in time. I’m just ready to BEGIN that courtship with a man who intends to kiss me goodnight…hopefully for a lifetime.
