Relationship Advice #31: Can she propose marriage to him?

So what can a woman do if her man has not proposed to her? Is it ok for her to propose to him? According to tradition, a woman can ask a man to marry her on February 29th.  This was the theme of “Leap Year”, a great movie Gigi saw that takes place in Ireland, where women can propose to their men on this day.

Gigi googled this to find out if there is any truth to this tradition, and here is what she found out:

“This Amy Adams movie, deals with a woman who can ask a man to marry her on February 29th in a leap year. But where does this tradition come from and is there any truth to the movie’s premise?

Yes, actually. It is said the tradition began in 5th century Ireland when St. Bridget bitterly complained to St. Patrick that women had to wait far too long for men to propose. The legend says St. Patrick decreed the women could propose on this one day in February during the leap year. I’m sure the women were thrilled.”

We then asked our readers what they thought about women proposing, and here is what they think. 

From Gigi: As a incurable romantic, I would not want to be the one to ask him to marry me. However, if there us a February 29th tradition, then I might consider it… And hmmmmm, where is my Jean-Claude? Ireland!!

From Helen: NO way!!!!! At least keep that part of life old fashioned. Chilvary has died out because we push too much. Either be patient or get out of the relationship. If it’s been 6 years and he still hasn’t asked, he’s just not that into you!!!!

From Brie: Hell, if I know….maybe you should summon the God of Relationships and Judgement..

From Gigi: If there is a God of Relationships, then ‘he’ has “some ‘splainin to do’!!!

From Ricardo: Nope… never if the guy wants to propose he will, never pressure!

From Dina: No.

From Donna: Asking never works out! Anyway, why is marrying so important??

From Winnie: If it is going to happen…it will. Why push? Why marry anyway? I’ve seen more couples break up by marrying than by just living together!!

From Marty: F…no!

From Donna: I was asked once… but I had got to know him TOO well, and he became a turn off. So after he asked I had to leave him!!! Call me heartless, but I couldn’t have gone on with the friendship…he was way over the top and he got the ring back! Ain’t I NICE :)))

From Ian: F…yes! And why not?

From Shari: Yes, of course she should ask… and just because she does, doesn’t mean she is pressuring him. Is it pressuring her when he asks?

From Mike: No reason she couldn’t. However, be prepared to live with his answer.

From Amanda: I wouldn’t. I agree that if he’s not doing things like that to show you he wants you in his life, then he’s not as into you as you are to him.

From Ron: Women fought for equality… so why not? go for it babe 🙂

From Marty: I am old fashioned, there are are certain things a man has to do.

From Joanna: No… there is something to be said for traditions, but a little hint never hurt anyone. 🙂

From Hannah: Generally after you have been together for a certain amount of time it is usually a topic that is discussed. I would wait for the proposal as well it is one thing that men still have control over these days with all the equality there isn’t much they control anymore so let them have that. Like Helen said if he hasn’t discussed marriage in the time you have been together he probably has no intention of ever asking and you need to decide if that is ok with you.

From Ron: Hannah got it right 🙂 However, there is a tradition that the woman can ask on the 29th of February 😉

From Jackson: It sounds as if there is some expectation for official bonding, so if that’s the case then the answer is yes. Ask away.

From Shari:  If I felt strongly enough & were to ask and the answer was no..then what’s the point of being together further? I would & have moved on. What’s the point of staying together if it’s never going to go anywhere? At least I would know where I stand. If the relationship is more important to me than to him…then see ya! Men don’t need that much time to figure out if you are “the one”. Some men will just let things mozy along because they like the sex, never intending it to go anywhere. I’d rather not waste my time.

From Jackson: ‎@Shari, right on girl. That is the way it is. If you’re too chicken to even ask because you might not get the answer you hope, then don’t be whining about it 10 years later…
My second wife asked me pretty early on and it took me 7 years before I said yes dear, but I’m very glad I did!

From Brie: Relationships and commitment should not be based on a certificate and a couple of rings. I know plenty of people who have been in great relationships for years without needing the approval of the state or a ceremony to prove their love. If you are in a wonderful committed relationship and nothing is missing except a “contract” you should be happy. If the “legally required to be there” is essential for your fulfillment in this relationship, then by all means propose…whether you’re a man or a woman. But you should be clear with the other person about what your ultimate goal is when the relationship becomes serious. 

From Ken: Only on 1 day a year.

From Tim: No, because it will scare or turn the man off.

From Dionne: Of course… he may be too afraid to.

From Camille: Of course. Why not?

From Rachel: I wouldn’t suggest it. Men know when they want to get married, and if they don’t ask, it’s because they don’t want to. I think it may open dialogue though.

From Amy: Nah. I’m old-fashioned. If he hasn’t asked you yet, there’s probably a reason.

From Le’Ro: Why can’t she propose?

From Boris: No. Initiate discussion about it, maybe. Ask? No.

From Samantha: Yes.

From Carina: I think the man should ask this one! If he hasn’t asked, then he isn’t ready!

From Shari:  ‎@Jackson…thank you! & Congrats… you must surely have been worth the wait! If you don’t mind me asking, what was your response when she asked you? Did you leave it open to the possibillity? @Brie…I agree that being open about intentions is a very important thing. It also clarifies if the person you are attracted to is of like mind as far as being open to the possibility of marriage, or is geared more toward being together without ever any official paperwork. It also weeds out the ones [in theory] who are only out for what they can get. I’m kind of curious..for the guys who believe it should be the man who asks the woman…if you found “miss right” & she ended up asking you first, what would your response be? …
From Matt: Why not? If we’re gonna be equal, then let’s really mean it.

From Brie: @ Matt…..great answer!!!

From Boris: Equality has nothing to do with tradition.

From Marty: I have been asked twice by two different girls and i said no… actually I am quite happy that I did… as it would have been a big mistake.

From Shari: @ Marty…you said no cuz you thought they weren’t right for you, not cuz they were women & did the asking first, right?

From Brie: Marriage is an institution and you have to be committed to it… if that doesn’t sound like a nuthouse… I don’t know what does!!! ~Gene Simmons~

There you have it… Some pros and some cons… 

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