Adventures in Dating By Gigi Flores and Helen Obispo

The Twelve Days of Gigi’s Christmas: the first six days

(Today’s title is thanks to Brie)

The twelve days of Christmas in the popular song are not the days leading up to Christmas Day, but are actually the 12 days after, starting on December 26th (Boxing Day or St. Stephen’s Day) and ending on January 6th (Feast of the Epiphany). Brie suggested that Gigi should write a special version of her twelve days of Christmas, and see what happened during that time. Gigi decided that she would keep her friends updated, by making her face book status mention those twelve days of Christmas and that she’d write about what each day brought her. She actually got quite a few comments, and of course, more material for her book. At this rate, Gigi will have to share the proceeds of her book with many of her readers, especially with Brie, who has given her so much help with lines, titles, and future chapter ideas.

Once the book is published, Gigi will start with taking Brie to Vegas for that girl get together that will most likely end up with them convincing police officers not to lock them up and throw away the key: a girl version of “The Hangover.” It might be quite a girl weekend, as Gigi would love to get Brie, Helen, Kelly, Susan, Mary, Ana, Elsie and many other of her girls from face book to join her. Gigi does Vegas… hmmm… that could be a book in itself.

Gigi actually considered totally making up a chapter, in which each day she met a different man, but even Gigi is not that loose, nor would she ever purposely look for a new man for twelve days straight. After about three or four men, she’d be ready to either kill them or run away to that deserted island with no internet connection or phone service, which, if you know Gigi and how much she loves her internet and phone, goes to show you just how disappointed she is in men these days. As mentioned before, Gigi is not even looking for men anymore. They just fall into her life, either as returning boomerang boyfriends, men met at clubs who flirt with her, or men who strike up a conversation with Gigi on the two dating sites on her Iphone. Lately Gigi has been feeling as though she has lost her “oomph” as she calls it, that special spark that makes her vivacious and fun, that keeps her going through the hard times. Maybe a long stay at that deserted island would be just the thing. But with her luck, she’d be stranded on the island with one or two of her boomerang boyfriends intent on confusing her even more.

All in all, it was a very interesting twelve days of Christmas, taking Gigi from 2009 into 2010, mostly making her lose even more trust in men, and lean more than ever on her girl friends. Gigi had now been out of a serious, long-term love relationship since Christmas 2006, when her Canadian boyfriend Daniel dumped her on the phone, for another woman (the illiterate, uneducated dog-like Inuit sorry excuse of a female) just a few days before Christmas, after almost 7 years together. They’d spent six happy Christmases together, and before that Gigi had been married for the previous eleven Christmases to her ex-husband Tim. Christmas 2007 was briefly spent on and off with the infamous David. Christmas 2008 was spent with steady and boring Arthur. And Christmas of 2009 was spent mostly alone, with men who popped in and out of her life, not staying long enough for repeat performances.

What would Christmas of 2010 bring? Gigi was almost afraid to find out. Christmas had always been a happy time for Gigi until she spent them alone. Her son Shane was born on Christmas Eve, and her son Timmy not long after. Christmases spent with families and special significant others were so much better than those spent alone. It’s a time of year when lonely people feel lonelier, and happy people find more joy. Gigi hated holidays spent alone. Technically she wasn’t really alone. She had her sons and her girl friends. Yet Gigi was always happier when she had a special man in her life. Sad, I know, and probably not the healthiest of life choices. Be happy with yourself, yadda yadda yadda. At least Gigi was honest with herself. She knew it was wrong to want a man to complete her life. Now she did like her life, and didn’t drown herself in sorrow or depression. She did find enjoyment from the many other things she was lucky enough to have. Yet she still wanted to find that special someone… and of course, let’s not forget that her continuous search for a man brought enjoyment to her readers through her Gigi stories.

Gigi had decided that she would spend this year trying to not be so easily duped by them, but as we all know, in Gigi’s life that is easier said than done. The cheating about-to-be-married Tim who had just duped Gigi and Helen had driven a stake not just into Helen’s heart, but also into Gigi’s. If Gigi could be so easily fooled by someone interested in her girl friend, how could she ever trust a man she was interested in for herself? Until Gigi found a man who could prove he was for real (and from now on, all men would be guilty until proven innocent), she would rely on honest, harmless booty.

Yet even honest, harmless booty was getting hard to find. There seemed to be not just an economical recession going on, but also a sexual one. Yes, there was suddenly a lack of booty in Gigi’s life. She had given it up for a while, while giving men she met in her life a chance. Then she’d had some of her booty partners lose interest, move away, or find serious girl friends. She was even being turned down by men who’d never turned down her offers before. What is this world coming to when one cannot even find booty? No men for relationships and no men for booty. In fact, during these 12 days of Christmas, Gigi only got lucky twice (and in fact, it was about 16 days of forced celibacy, which for Gigi was cruel and unusual punishment). And don’t forget that the last time Gigi got any, she had to drive through 18 hours of a blizzard to get it from Julian!!

Julian told Gigi a few weeks ago that women can find booty so much more easily than men can. At first Gigi disagreed with him, and they had another one of their arguments (he called them discussions). But Gigi had to finally agree with him. It probably was easier for women to pick up men. But what sort of men would that be? Not to mention that Gigi didn’t want to go to some bar and just pick up a stranger for booty, someone she didn‘t know and would never see again. She normally tried to get to know them first through texts, emails and phone calls, and not just go home with them after only hours of flirting at a bar. She preferred getting to know her booty, after having formed some kind of connection, and coming to trust them. Knock on wood, she’d never had a bad experience yet. Gigi wanted to find one, or two or three, men she could trust, men she could see once or twice a week, for fun times all around. It took time to “train” someone in one’s likes and dislikes, and the more one got together, the better it was. Yet during these twelve days of Christmas, the booty finding was not so easy.

On the first day of Christmas, Gigi was fooled by a man… go figure!! What a terrible way to start her twelve days. It was the night that Gigi and Helen met the lying cheating fiancé that Gigi wrote about in the last chapter. Tim was getting married on the sixth day of Christmas, and despite the warnings that Gigi and Helen gave the fiancée, they did end up getting married. Gigi and Helen never heard from her, but saw that a few days after the wedding, her face book account was back up with her new married name on it. Oh well. Gigi and Helen did their female duty and informed her about the man she was about to marry. She’ll find out some day what a colossal mistake it was, and hopefully she’ll give him hell every time that he goes out with his guy friends. And if Gigi and Helen ever run into him again at Boogie Fever, that’ll be a chapter to remember!!

On the second day of Christmas, Gigi spent the day on face book, discussing Tim the cheating fiancé with her face book friends. Helen and Gigi were wondering if they should let the fiancée know what had happened or not. Except for one or two people, everyone agreed that they should tell her. Gigi’s friend even posted something on his face book about it, and got over 100 comments on the situation. Gigi got to flirt with a friend of his, and was asked out for booty, but again, it went nowhere. Booty recession, I tell you!! It helped Gigi and Helen to read people’s opinions on what had happened, and how both men and women were disgusted by what Tim had done, just five days before getting married.

Later on that day, Gigi went to the movies with Walt, one of her favorite booty partners of all times, and top five sexual experiences. Unfortunately for Gigi, he now had a girl friend and was off the booty market. Still she had missed seeing him, and going to the movies with him to watch the hilarious “It’s Complicated” was just what Gigi needed. That movie title could be the last few months in Gigi’s life!!

On the third day of Christmas, Gigi went to the airport. Airports, a great place to flirt with strangers. Who knew!! Gigi was teased about this on face book, by people who said that Gigi would flirt anywhere and hadn’t changed at all, not even twenty some years later (this comment was made by an old college friend and room mate, Annie). Brie laughed at her, and said that she probably even flirted at funerals. Gigi was about to hotly deny that, when she remembered that she did just that at a funeral once, when she ended up kissing the grandson of the woman who had died. Well, she WAS just a teenager. And he WAS really cute and British, and they WERE in an elevator together when he pulled her to him and made out with her. Even then, Gigi was not one to turn down a good kiss or two.

Gigi normally only went to airports when traveling which didn’t give one much time to flirt. This time she went with Dana, one of her close friends, to pick up her daughter, Caitlin, who was coming home for the holidays. Gigi took her son Shane and four teenage girls, friends of Caitlin’s. Dana and Caitlin used to live with Gigi years ago, when she first got divorced, and Caitlin had gone to Gigi’s school, so her friends were all past students of Gigi’s… now all seniors. Caitlin had moved to California for her last year of high school, and was sorely missed by everyone. It was a heart warming night, hiding in the bathroom to surprise Caitlin at the luggage carousel, and then all of them having dinner together. It helped being around friends, especially when Niles, the British boomerang boyfriend sent “I miss you” texts to Gigi, telling her he still wanted to be a part of her life. Oh Gigi. Yes, Niles is still around, spending a few days each week sending regretful texts on how much he misses Gigi, but I guess not enough to make some serious decisions about his life and marriage status. Don’t worry, Gigi is beginning the process of getting over him.

On the fourth day of Christmas Gigi had a tough day. Her mami was found unconscious on the floor under her bed and ended back in the hospital, and this time the doctors said that she could no longer live alone, and needed to be moved into a nursing home as soon as possible. Gigi felt so helpless, unable to fly to Spain because of the lack of money. She got support from her friends both near and on face book. Thankfully this time her cousin was willing to help. Gigi tried to feel better thinking that her mami would be happier in a home surrounded by other people, than always home alone and stuck in her bedroom. It was difficult though, because in the culture Gigi grew up in, one didn’t send one’s parents to nursing homes. One moved them into their own homes. Yet Gigi had left Spain and moved to the States, and she could not bring her mami here, not yet, not until she sells her Gigi memoirs, and can afford to do so.

The worst of it was Gigi’s ex-husband. He was a total nincompoop and inconsiderate jerk. He didn’t realize how lucky he was to have Gigi as his ex. He didn’t pay her any alimony or child support, since Gigi was adamant about doing it all on her own. They shared custody and expenses for their kids. Normally he was good about this, and Gigi paid him whatever he said her share of bills was. How many divorced men out there are wishing right now that their ex-wives were like Gigi? The problem arose when Gigi asked her ex for money to pay for their son’s birthday party. He actually had the audacity to tell her that since she was giving the party at her house, she should pay for all of it. Now before you agree with him, know that he has never once given Shane a birthday party, not since the divorce.

Gigi spent well over $100 on the parties, and money was very scarce these days. Tim finally agreed to help pay for it… and then he had the utter gall to ask for receipts. It didn’t hit Gigi till later, and when she realized that, she called him back. “Receipts? You want receipts for your son’s birthday party?” This from a man who simply told her what her share of doctor and dentists bills were and Gigi paid him trustingly. Gigi lost it and went all latina on his sorry ass, in tears about her mother, and her past few weeks of men leaving her and hurting her. Tim didn’t quite apologize, but he certainly didn’t complain again… oh, except to say that he had the boys more than she did lately. Which was so not true, as Gigi soon pointed out to him on the phone. The boys preferred staying with her since she had cable and internet and he didn’t. Gigi began to wonder if she could redivorce him? Is that possible? People get remarried to each other… so why not get redivorced? I think it would give one so much pleasure and closure to do so. There should also be celebrations of divorce anniversaries and cards to give each other “So glad we got divorced… I’d do it again in a minute.” Or “You are quite simply the best ex-wife one could ever wish for.” Hmmm… maybe Gigi should get a job writing cards for Hallmark.

On the fifth day of Christmas Gigi screamed all night. Nope, unfortunately not from awesome sex. From a night spent watching scary movies!! For the past six years, Gigi had been giving her son Shane a sleepover birthday at Christmas time. It had started when he was in 4th grade, and now even in 9th grade it was a highly anticipated party. He’d invite a few friends, and they’d stay up late into the night, gorging on junk food and watching movies. It became a tradition. Gigi was voted the coolest mom ever, and Shane’s friends (some of them students she had when they were in second grade) actually wanted her to spend time with them. It was a great way to see her son and his friends, and learn what they were up to, as after a while, they’d forget she was in the room, and would talk about their lives. Gigi was very proud of her sons and their friends, and how they were good, sweet boys, who didn’t want to hang out with the drinking, pot-smoking kids. They even uninvited one of the regular boys from this year’s party for that very reason. Not bad for 9th grade boys.

At first the parties were for two to three friends, but always including Caitlin since she had been living with them during the first party. Even though she was three years older than the boys, she was just as vital to the party as Gigi was. No other girls were invited, and when Caitlin moved to California, she was told they would hold the party whenever she was home for Christmas and able to come. Throughout the years the number of boys had varied as new friends were formed, from three friends to sometimes eight friends. They started staying up later and later, and the movies went from comedies and action movies to downright scary ones. Gigi’s presence at these movies was mandatory, because her screams made the movies scarier. And Gigi was a screamer, watching the movies through her finger-covered eyes. The scarier and gorier the movie, the better. Gigi preferred thriller scary movies, and not the “kill kill”slasher movies, but she let the boys pick.

To make the night scarier, they’d always walk down a few blocks to 7-11 at 1 or 2 in the morning, for more junk food, scaring themselves when they’d walk back, and would suddenly see the curtains of the house move because of the cats or dog. They’d watch movies until the wee hours of the morning, this last time they watched five movies, until almost 7 in the morning. The best night was when one of the boys, Roy, played a trick on Gigi, and got her, but good. They’d just watched “The Strangers” which was a scary true story, a thriller about a couple alone in a house and the psychotic threesome who terrorize them all night long. Gigi had the boys and Caitlin all around her, when suddenly there were three loud knocks on the front door at 2 AM… just like in the movie they had finished watching an hour earlier.

Now part of Gigi knew that it had to be one of the boys, that this wouldn’t happen right after watching a movie about it. But her first instinct had been to scream, smashing her leg on the coffee table, and made her suddenly wish for a nice, strong man to go check the door for her. All around her were the bodies of the teenagers, and she couldn’t for the life of her remember how many were supposed to be there that year. She stood up on her chair to peek out the little window on her front door, and there was Roy, grinning away. He’d snuck out the back door and gone around to the front. She’d never even realized he got up!!

Of course this was an excellent trick to play on Gigi, and the boys teased her about it for a very long time. In reality, it was payback time from the time Gigi had pranked them. The year before they’d all been on their cell phones (13 year olds with cell phones,.. good God), making prank phone calls. Gigi had been on the internet talking to a fellow teacher, and he’d told her he had the best prank phone call of all. He asked for the number of one of the boys, Will, and had called him pretending to be a local police officer who’d just tracked down the series of prank phone calls to his phone and Gigi’s address. Poor Will had first gone white, then green, handing Gigi his phone with a shaking hand, looking on as she told the police officer that of course he could come over to chastise the boys and inform their parents of what they had been doing. Gigi had only been able to keep a straight face for a few minutes before bursting into laughter, as Will looked at her, first in fear, then astonishment, and then pure joy that he had been tricked so royally. She was announced the coolest mom that year, and given the honor of best prank phone call ever.

That night spent with her sons and their friends was one of the best moments of Christmas 2009 for Gigi, even though no one barely slept. They got to see lots of good scary movies (“The Orphan” was the best one), and Gigi spent the night texting Brandon, a new possibility in the booty department. He’d found her on one of the dating sites, and they’d been texting for a few days. He was beautiful, African American and an aspiring actor, so gorgeous he might soon replace Gigi’s top five African American actors. He promised to give her a massage one of these days, and Gigi thought that sounded just perfect.

Gigi even got a good flirt going on that night with the local pizza guy. She and Caitlin ran to Little Caesar’s to get several pizzas and crazy bread… as the boys got older, the more food she had to throw at them. Gigi ran out in her pink flannel Betty Boop jammies, hair stuck in a pig tail. Of course, later she wished she was dressed better, as she saw the yummy pizza guy, who really should be modeling and not selling pizza. Both Gigi’s and Caitlin’s mouths fell open when they saw him. Of course, he was young and African American (hopefully old enough for Gigi to be drooling at). Gigi decided that from now on she’d drive to get pizza instead of ask for it to be delivered… and of course, Gigi was teased about this on face book. He was seriously yummy though!!

On the sixth day of Christmas it was New Year’s Eve. Gigi and Helen had been undecided about what to do. At first they’d wanted to go to Boogie Fever. After meeting Tim there, and running into him two weekends in a row, they’d changed their minds. Then they couldn’t find a babysitter for Helen’s son Gideon. Gigi had been asked to go to the New Year’s Eve salsa party by Kelly which is what they had done for the past two years. Two years ago it had been quite a party, held at a hotel, with an after party in the rooms that Gigi, Kelly, and Susan had decided to get. Oh that’s a story in of itself, and someday to be written about. Last New Year’s Eve it had been held at the same place, but this time Gigi was left alone at the end of the night, as Kelly was having man troubles. This year Gigi would have been perfectly happy to stay home and watch movies with Helen. Yet Helen had not been out for New Year’s Eve in more years than she cared to admit, and at the very last minute (sorry in advance, Kelly if you read this), Helen found a party in downtown Detroit, Gigi was able to convince her son Shane to baby sit, and off they went.. It was kind of meant to be.

Gigi and Helen had no fancy dresses to wear, so they went shopping at a nearby mall, wondering what they‘d find at the last minute. They each found the perfect dress within minutes: a short red one for Helen, and a long purple one for Gigi. Shoes were not so perfect. They ended up wearing those kind of shoes that look great and feel great at first, and within hours are killing your feet. I really believe that men invented high heels to torture women. We wear them because we think they make us look more attractive, better, taller, skinnier, whatever. When in reality, men are laughing behind our backs for wearing things that pinch our toes, expose them to the cold, give us feet problems later in life, and are completely uncomfortable!!

It was quite a fun night, even though it was once again man less for Gigi. It was fun to dress up and go to a New Year’s Eve ball, surrounded by good looking people, and good music. There were few men of Gigi’s taste, and more men of Helen’s (yes, that means more white men than black), but Gigi had fun people watching. She received a phone call from Julian her sailor, who told her he missed her and wished he was with her. She danced until her feet threatened to divorce her, and then sat down and watched Helen flirt with her flirt of the night, a cute guy who ended up being 24 years old to Helen’s 31. Helen was shocked and Gigi amused…she’d done, ooops I mean been with, way younger men than that and she was a lot older than Helen!! Lucky Helen got to kiss someone at the stroke of midnight. Gigi got to send a text to someone she really shouldn’t… and received one back from Niles.

Helen drank and Gigi ate. Helen flirted and Gigi texted. Helen danced and Gigi exchanged phone numbers with a cute young hottie, middle eastern but very latino looking. Every now and then, Gigi and Helen would curse Tim, wondering if he’d gotten married that day or not. Helen kept having these moments of “Oh my God, I think I just saw Tim.” Gigi kept having moments of “Oh my God, I’ll do anything and give anything for a serious foot massage.” She texted a new guy, white, tattooed, and living in Ohio, too young, too white, too skinny, and wearing a white wife beater shirt,…really? She was promised a foot massage if he could come visit her.

Gigi was so bored and unhappy at the same time with the male choices in her life, that she was answering texts from men all over the world. They communicated with her on a dating site called speed date. She received winks and cheesy comments from men near and far, of all ages. Seriously!! Some were 19 years old or in their early 20’s. Some were in their 50’s or 60’s. Really? Come on!! Gigi would probably give the older men a heart attack in bed, and the younger men would have nothing to offer other than stamina and youth. No, thank you. Gigi wanted a man in his 30’s or 40’s, with experience and still able to keep up with her.

And what is it with men from thousands of miles away? What would she ever possibly do with a gorgeous sexy man… from Ireland or Britain? From Egypt, India, or Kuwait? Are you kidding me? She would politely tell them that she was looking for a local man… local? How about from the same flipping country?! Ok, maybe she did talk to the ones from Ireland and Britain for a while, but only because she loves their accents, and thought that maybe some good phone sex would keep her less lonely.

On New Year’s Eve, she did text the guy from Ohio for a while, because he didn’t live that far away, but it soon turned out that he had no job, no life, and his texts were filled with so many grammar and spelling mistakes, that the teacher in Gigi ached to correct them and send them back, and that would probably not go over so well, now would it?

Gigi was only halfway through her 12 days of Christmas, and she was already wishing that the holiday season was over, and that she could simply join that nunnery (one that allowed no males in it at all), or run off to that deserted island (that also did not allow any men at all). Gigi had had it with men, with their attempts to pick her up, get her into bed, lay their lines on her and expect her to believe them. Whatever happened to honesty, to wanting a relationship, to decent men? Where were they hiding? Would Gigi find one before the 12 days were over? Would she get to see Niles, who kept promising her a meeting “soon”? His idea of “soon” and Gigi’s were vastly different. She hadn’t seen him in a month, and this time he kept running away, only to come back text wise or through phone calls every couple of days… Now she did “get lucky” twice, and you’ll find out just what happened and how it went… after the break!! Ok, not after the break, but next week, when the last 6 days of Gigi’s Christmas goes up.