Ask the Married Girl #6: Trust

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  • May 26, 2010 at 7:17 pm

The Married Girl on Trust
When I started blogging here at Adventures in Dating, I was hoping to get some relationship questions that I could help answer from the married girl’s perspective, but since I have not received any, I figured I would just post on a common relationship issue.  Trust.
Trust is clearly an essential part of any relationship, whether it’s intimate or not. Maybe your partner has been badly hurt in the past (or maybe you were hurt in the past) and you are having a hard time earning their trust.  Here are my top 10 tips on building trust in your relationship.

  • Be on time – even if you have to set all your clocks early to make this happen!
  • Do what you say you will do – even something small like putting clothes in the dryer.
  • Don’t lie – not even little lies like “Yes, I like that dress.”
  • Be fair – even when arguing this includes not digging up old wounds!
  • Be sensitive – disagree just don’t belittle your partner’s feelings.
  • Call to say you’ll be late – even if it’s only by a few minutes.
  • Carry your share of the workload – don’t expect the other person to do everything.
  • Don’t overreact – no needs you to make a bad situation worse.
  • Respect your partner – no snooping, attacking, or being passive aggressive!
  • Be a good listener – let them finish what they are saying before you speak!

If you are the person that has been hurt, be honest about it.  You don’t have to go into every gory detail, but let your new partner know the basics of what happened and give them the chance to earn your trust.  It’s OK to be a little apprehensive and guarded, but do not expect them to act like the last person, because they are not the last person.  If you have serious unresolved issues, then seek the help of a professional therapist before you put yourself out there again, because no one needs to be in a relationship where they feel persecuted and no one needs to spend the energy/effort “proving he is really a bad guy even if he isn’t.”
Thanks everyone and good luck out there!

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