Adventures in Dating By Gigi Flores and Helen Obispo

Can you imagine finding the perfect man… and discover that he is allergic to your children? Or that you cannot stand his? Your children are part of your life, or his/hers. they will not go away. Unlike in-laws, you will not only see them on holidays, and avoid them on other days. The children will always be there (until they go to college, and sometimes not even then). They will become a part of your life and his.

Now if it was a pet he was allergic to, there wouldn’t be a problem. There is medicine for that. And quite frankly, if all that stood between me and a perfect man was a cat… I know what choice I’d make (sorry cat lovers, but really?).

Children is a whole other matter. Obviously you should not bring the kids into it, until you know this relationship is getting serious and going somewhere, but what do you do if they instantly dislike each other? Especially for children under 18, still living at home.
Who do you side with? It could just be your child being jealous of the new person in your life. The dislike might fade in time.

Here is what our readers and friends thought:

From Gigi: Thankfully I’ve never had this trouble. All the kids I met of the men I’ve dated loved me almost from the get-go. Some were not the best behaved kids in the world, but under Gigi’s expert tutelage, she soon ironed out the kinks in their behavior (most of then not their fault, but the result of divorced parents, two homes, and men unused to parenting…).

From Apollo: If you don’t like the kids, it’s usually a package deal. It all depends on how much you enjoy the mom. Kids will grow on you, but it’s important to respect the kids. After all, it’s their mom you are wanting to take from them.

From Shari: Military school? Lol.  I agree in respecting the kids and if there is friction, try to see things from their side… Who knows how many others they have met?

From Rachel: Lol I have dated guys who had bratty kids before and I didn’t stick around… if they can’t even manage their kids and keep them behaving, what does that say about them as a whole?

From Ricardo: You shouldn’t meet the kids until you are about to get married or moving in, for a long long time… unless the kids are over 15, and then who cares… It depends how old they are etc… if the kid is 2, he may come around, if kid is 15 military school as Shari said heheheh.
Oh yea and do the kids have a good reason not to like the new person??? This one was to broad for me to answer?????

From Shari: If someone thinks their kids might have an issue with meeting someone new in their life, then I suggest the first meet be an activity that is active and not in each other’s face.. maybe bowling? Or a movie? Have a chance of some possible get to know you stuff, so they can get a scope on the newby without feeling as threatened about it.. Also, just don’t make eye contact.. .lol (jk) Sorry Gigi… there are some pretty out there teens on this planet.

From Ricardo: Assuming the new person is normal and the kids are just being jealous and brats, hmmmm military school again heheh

From Shari: Who’s to say who’s normal anyway? lol  Maybe before they meet, they should chat up the new bf/gf and tell the kids some things about them, maybe something they might have in common (Hey, he owns horses..Toni you always wanted to learn to ride…) etc..That would have won my sister over. lol  My mom used to bring her new boyfriends around and they’d sort of bribe us by taking us to the movies and the fair and spending lots of money on us. That works too. lol

From Ricardo: Oh I meant normal like not abusive or crazy hehe, then good ideas Shari ”

From Brian: “If the child(ren) dislike comes from a place of Clear Seeing Reality, then this is useful information (i.e. the parent is blind to a fault). But if the dislike does not come from a place of Clear Seeing Reality, then this information is not useful for the dating, but useful for the Parent-Child relationship, as it points to a home front issue that will impair any ability to bring in new and future relationships.

From Karma: From Karma: The Kids Not Digging 
‘SweetMain’….IMPOSSIBLE!!!

There you go: some serious and some not so serious answers. I’ve heard girl friends say that they’ve broken up with men who didn’t get along with their kids. I don’t think I’d give up on a man, just because my sons didn’t like him. I’d give it some time. Let them spend time together. If I really cared about him, then he must have good qualities, right? I’d ask my sons what it is they didn’t like about him, and I’d listen carefully, to make sure that he wasn’t insulting them or worse behind my back. 

Give it time. Kids and significant others need time to get to know each other…