Adventures in Dating By Gigi Flores and Helen Obispo

Have you ever met someone that you really liked…at first… before they went psycho/paranoid/stalker on you? This happened to both Gigi and Helen recently. Here are the top “ten” things guaranteed to make him or her run for the hills, change their phone number, delete you from facebook and yahoo, and sometimes even make you want to move to a deserted island!!

From Gigi: I’d never thought I’d ever say this, but if they text me nonstop while I am working, after we’ve had a mini-fight, then I freak out and wonder what will happen if we ever have a real fight. If they are too amorous and sickly sweet, in a non-masculine kind of way (please don’t wink at me and give me goofy grins… I’d rather he be a man and give me “Hey baby, what’s happening”).

From Helen: If their name starts with a K. (That was a joke, of course) For the longest time, it was if their name started with a J…that is all Helen and Gigi were meeting…were “J” named toads!

From Susan: Being controlling, possesive and jealous! A cheap man. A smelly man. A man with no sense of humor or style.

From Rachel: Ok… unibrows, bad teeth, b.o., no job, no car, lives with parents, doesnt see their kids, cheap, possessive, and whiners. That’s 10!

From Belinda: Nothing…he loves me and my many moods.

From Tim:
1. Cheat
2. Poor dental hygiene
3. Body odor
4. Smelly ass
5. Dirty nails.
6. A car that looks like a trash can.
7. Bad breath
8. No money
9. Ugly toes
10. No job

From Boris:
1. poor hygiene 2. constant texting 3. annoying laugh 4. lack of sense of humor 5. cattiness  6. nail-biting  7. attitude (stuck-up, diva)  8. bad habits  9. nudge, or control freak  10. what kind of party animal they are (good or bad).  Not that I’m looking, or anything LOL  Luckily, my woman rocks in all these categories!

From Tiffany: If he has to check ATM balance to make sure there is enough for dinner?,  no work ethic — talks bad about the boss all the time (you know that will spread to any one!) – and Boris’s list I concur — turning your question around to what would make me run! Oh – and when he cooks rice in the microwave it grows to the proportion of the inside of the microwave in a perfect cube —  ie no clue!  (the last one is a real story)LOL”

From Ricardo: If they expect you to always be free to go out with them and if you are not at the last minute they never want to speak to you again, I don’t understand this one?

From Hannah: I am a habitual last minute canceller.  That’s why I never make plans or commit to anything until the very last minute!

From Lizzie: An escalating argument. Having to meet unfamiliar people (especially in groups) or having to dress up, My period. Lol… only got 4 out of 10.

From Camille: 1. Forget my name. 2. Put down women in your life. 3. Talk down to me. 4. Stereotype. 5. Don’t call w/in two days after a date. 6. Spend all your time with me. 7. Blow me off. 8. Have no manners. 9. Treat people badly. 10. Tell me I am wrong just because we disagree.

From Helen (part 2):
1. Constant Texting 2. Saying I love you on the SECOND DATE 3. Looking at someone as though they are your life’s blood 4.Telling someone that you love them more than you love yourself. (just threw up in my mouth a little bit) 5. Stalking someone on facebook and their website page. 6. Reading someone’s book chapters to see what their past dating experiences were like and then attempt to replicate the great moments by doing the exact same thing as the other guy did. (example: bringing flowers over and mentioning the guy’s name about whom the chapter was about because they are jealous that their date was not the best first date Helen ever had)  7. Mentioning that you can’t wait for them to have your baby… on the first or second date. 8. Do I even need to go on? If one doesn’t run after any one of these occurences, let alone all (yes, all in one man people, please do give a round of applause to this one) then, may you enjoy your life of misery… (And all these things were done to Helen by a man!! They were NOT done by a woman!!).

From Boris: Wow. But you mentioned “second date.” That part’s confusing. Surely you didn’t go out with that guy again.

From Gigi: Wait till you read her story on the guy!! Gigi and Helen will be putting that story on our blog soon!! A new blog should be: why did I ever go out on a second date with him???

From Helen: You seem to underestimate the patience I have with people…hahahaha…in all seriousness…why I didn’t go running for the hills sooner is beyond me. The point is, I did…and the only birth that guy is going to be seeing of me is that of a funny ass chapter for the book! ahahaha

From Boris: No, for someone like that winner (or is it wiener?), extra “dates” actually become research, documentation, and essentially lab testing… They don’t count.

From Gigi: These men are going to make Gigi and Helen rich with all the material they are giving us for free for our book. Of course when they google Gigi before meeting her then they get scared of becoming chapter 31!!

From Helen: So true. Except for with this one. Had to cut the cord and fast….it was becoming a little freaky.

From Gigi: Lmao  Wait till the guy in question reads this blog!!! Yes Boris. the guy is stalking her on our blog!!!

From Boris: Remember, without losers, we’d have no winners.

From Helen:  So true Boris, so true. But, where are all of the damned winners hiding? Come out, come out, wherever you aaaaarrrrrreeeee! Don’t be afraid of Gigi and Helen…

From Gigi: Lmao. All this is going in the blog!!! Too funny.

From Boris: They’re like super-heroes, with secret identities. The rest of us are just married. LOL

From Helen:  Lol…well, damn. I give up. Tell those super-heroes to unveil themselves.

From Boris: You mean, like, they’d be nekkid?

From Gigi: Lol keep it coming guys. This’ll be the longest blog yet!!

From Helen: OOOH….even better, Boris. Now you are thinking. I wasn’t originally thinking that, but that would cut out some work for Helen and Gigi…what with dating for a few months and then finding out you need a microscope to see…..oh…never mind. Oh, , and Boris…make sure they aren’t like Aquaman, please. He was cute, but posed as a super hero. In reality, all that guy was good for was making everyone peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches at the Hall of Justice while everyone else kicked ass.

From Boris: So you’re looking to date two super-heroes, essentially. The one wearing a cape, and the one wearing a raincoat.

From Gigi: You two are cracking me up. Helen help me convince Boris that we need him to write blogs for us. He said he’s an old married man who can’t help us out.

From Boris: Don’t knock PBJs. Even superheroes need energy.

From Helen: Well, in Helen’s case, my superhero would need to wear BOTH a cape AND a raincoat. LOL…ahem…

From Boris: You mean, like a bullfighter? They got that small cape, and that big coat they scare the bull with. Oh and Gigi, I didn’t say I was old and married. I said I lacked the requisite dating experience After a few years of marriage Melina started frowning on me dating. She’s crazy that way…

All in all, if they are doing too much too soon, or going too fast, then it is almost certainly guaranteed to make you run for the hills. Of course, sometimes the jumping in with both feet and eyes tightly closed can be totally mutual and no one gets scared, but this is very rare. Almost always one of the two seems to suddenly wake up, and wonder what the fuck he or she is doing (Excuse my French, but this is exactly what David did to Gigi!! Read her chapters 9 & 10, under the Our Stories tab… he ran away so fast, and left Gigi scratching her head wondering what happened to the man who told her he was falling in love with her on the first date).

So, instead of scaring them off with too much too soon, take it SLOW!!

• Don’t stalk her on her face book and her dating blog
• Don’t read all her stories and then text her about them, or try to recreate them.
• Don’t tell her you love her after just a few weeks.
• Don’t want to introduce her to your kids after ONE FRICKING week.
• Don’t fight with her twin sister on her face book over a silly spelling mistake or typo that you made and then couldn’t see, even though they kept telling you about it…so that instead you went all high and mighty about correcting a teacher.
• Don’t overflow her with texts and messages!!
• Don’t act all jealous after only a few weeks and expect her to change her life for you.

And yes, I’m pretty sure you will be reading this tomorrow!!

• Don’t message her 18 times in half an hour.

No, sweetie, this one wasn’t you…it was Gigi’s stalker!! Thank God that Gigi’s stalker never found her face book…

From now on Gigi and Helen will give aliases until the men they are dating turn out to be unstalkers…!! Gigi has already been googled by one man, and he read 15 of her chapters before going out on a date with her, which was very strange, and then spent the entire night analyzing her and her past dates and stories. Then another man told Gigi last night at midnight that he didn’t want to meet her in person, because he didn’t want to become chapter 31 in her book. He accused Gigi of being on dating sites simply for more dating material, instead of the truth, which is that she is back on these godforsaken sites in order to find a real man so that she can stop writing these horror stories!!

Helen disclaimer: Please don’t think that we are out just to bash men. The man that we spoke of tonight, who will soon be in a chapter, really is a good man. He has a great heart, is a wonderful father and is very thoughtful. He wears his heart on his sleeve and has something that is not found in most….passion.

That said, it was too much, too soon. I do realize that perhaps some signals were hard to read by me, as well. As the U2 song so eloquently says, “You got stuck in a moment, and ya can’t get out of it”…and that was me. I was stuck in the good moments that we had together while the train was progressing too quickly onward. I had to jump off. Infatuation and love, as you will soon read can be very easily confused.

Gigi disclaimer: Gigi would never bash men without a just reason. The man in question freaked her out because he was haunting the blog that Gigi and Helen have created to keep their sanity, because of the men that they are meeting. She just didn’t like the idea that he was reading every single thing being written, and then freaking out about it. Yes, he was a good man, But he should have tried harder to earn Helen’s love and not scare her away and freak out Gigi.